Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Boy's Guide to Girls

    At my boyfriend's request, I am making a list of relationship tips for guys.  Some of these apply to first dates, some to an established relationship.  These tips won't work for all girls (I'm basing this off of myself only), but the majority will appreciate them, and you at least won't get slapped if going by these rules.  This is for if you want to find someone to actually date.  If you just want to get laid, you're on your own.  I won't assist you in that endeavor. 

- DO come to her front door when picking her up.
- DO walk her to her door when dropping her off (at least initially).
- DO open doors for her.
      Opening car doors is extra nice, but not necessary.
- DO hold her hand.
- DO call her parents Mister and Missus unless they tell you otherwise.
- DO let her cry.
       If you don't have anything to say, or just don't know what the heck is going on,
       just hold her.
- DO pay for everything on the first date; later dates are negotiable.
       If you would like her to start helping pay, talk about it.
      -DON'T just start buying a single movie ticket.
- At a bar, DO offer her a nice and APPROPRIATE compliment, politely introduce
       yourself, and TALK to her.
     - DON'T come up behind her and start grinding.
- DO hold off on political, religious, or philosophical debates until you know your
       relationship is stable enough to handle differences of opinion.
- DO at least buy her a card for Valentine's Day (even if "you're not a romantic").
       It wouldn't hurt to throw in some flowers.
- DO think about what you wear. This is tricky.  Don't pretend to be someone
       you're not, but dress appropriately.  If you're asking out a goth girl, it's
       probably ok to wear your eyeliner on the first date.
- DO be as polite as possible when farting or burping.  It's natural.  It's going to
       happen, but you don't have to be disgusting.
      -DON'T tease her for her farts or burps.  She can't help it either. 
- DO give her a chance to talk about herself, even if she's shy.
      -DON'T just jump in and talk about yourself all night. 

- DON'T kiss her on the first date.
       If you must, DON'T use tongue.
- DON'T forget her birthday.
- DON'T tell any racist, sexist, or otherwise politically incorrect jokes.
- Unless she mentions the Green Lantern or Sailor Moon, DON'T give her the
       details of your comic book or anime collection until a later date.
-DON'T talk about sports the whole time.
       Even athletic, sports loving girls have other interests.

    Above all else, stay calm and be yourself.  If she doesn't like you for who you are, then you're not meant to be.  Don't take offense if you don't get a second date.  It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you; it may just mean that particular girl isn't a good match for you.  If you don't get a second date because you acted like a tool, then reevaluate your strategy.