A Boy's Guide to Girls

    At my boyfriend's request, I am making a list of relationship tips for guys.  Some of these apply to first dates, some to an established relationship.  These tips won't work for all girls (I'm basing this off of myself only), but the majority will appreciate them, and you at least won't get slapped if going by these rules.  This is for if you want to find someone to actually date.  If you just want to get laid, you're on your own.  I won't assist you in that endeavor. 

- DO come to her front door when picking her up.
- DO walk her to her door when dropping her off (at least initially).
- DO open doors for her.
      Opening car doors is extra nice, but not necessary.
- DO hold her hand.
- DO call her parents Mister and Missus unless they tell you otherwise.
- DO let her cry.
       If you don't have anything to say, or just don't know what the heck is going on,
       just hold her.
- DO pay for everything on the first date; later dates are negotiable.
       If you would like her to start helping pay, talk about it.
      -DON'T just start buying a single movie ticket.
- At a bar, DO offer her a nice and APPROPRIATE compliment, politely introduce
       yourself, and TALK to her.
     - DON'T come up behind her and start grinding.
- DO hold off on political, religious, or philosophical debates until you know your
       relationship is stable enough to handle differences of opinion.
- DO at least buy her a card for Valentine's Day (even if "you're not a romantic").
       It wouldn't hurt to throw in some flowers.
- DO think about what you wear. This is tricky.  Don't pretend to be someone
       you're not, but dress appropriately.  If you're asking out a goth girl, it's
       probably ok to wear your eyeliner on the first date.
- DO be as polite as possible when farting or burping.  It's natural.  It's going to
       happen, but you don't have to be disgusting.
      -DON'T tease her for her farts or burps.  She can't help it either. 
- DO give her a chance to talk about herself, even if she's shy.
      -DON'T just jump in and talk about yourself all night. 

- DON'T kiss her on the first date.
       If you must, DON'T use tongue.
- DON'T forget her birthday.
- DON'T tell any racist, sexist, or otherwise politically incorrect jokes.
- Unless she mentions the Green Lantern or Sailor Moon, DON'T give her the
       details of your comic book or anime collection until a later date.
-DON'T talk about sports the whole time.
       Even athletic, sports loving girls have other interests.


    Above all else, stay calm and be yourself.  If she doesn't like you for who you are, then you're not meant to be.  Don't take offense if you don't get a second date.  It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you; it may just mean that particular girl isn't a good match for you.  If you don't get a second date because you acted like a tool, then reevaluate your strategy. 

Future Farm

As a result of a goat argument with my boyfriend, I created this drawing of my ideal future farm. It probably wouldn't be exactly like this, but it gives you an idea.  There are some other things I would like to include, but in my haste to show Chris what he's in for, I just made a basic drawing. 

The Piasa Bird

   Anyone from southern Illinois, near the St. Louis area, has probably heard the legend of the Piasa Bird.  I can't remember when I first heard this story.  For me, it's one of those things that I just know.  I feel like I grew up with it.  Now, I'm from a town about 30 minutes south of Alton, where the Piasa was originally located, so I'm sure I'm not as familiar with it as some people are.  I still got to see it, though, since it is painted on the bluffs along the Mississippi River.  My family would sometimes go up that way to watch the bald eagles in the winter time.  Plus, every summer I would go to Pere Marquette State Park (just north of Alton) for Christian Family Camp.  You can see the Piasa bird from the river road that runs along the cliffs on the way to the park.  Not to mention that the group camp we usually stay in is called Camp Piasa. 
   By now you're probably wondering what the heck the Piasa Bird actually is.  I've copied this information from the Alton webpage.  http://www.altonweb.com/history/piasabird/  So, here you go:

The Piasa Bird (pronounced Pie-a-saw), is a local legend in the Alton area. Its foundings go back to 1673 when Father Jacques Marquette, in recording his famous journey down the Mississippi River with Louis Joliet, described the "Piasa" as a birdlike monster painted high on the bluffs along the Mississippi River, where the city of Alton, Illinois now stands. According to the diary, the Piasa "was as large as a calf with horns like a deer, red eyes, a beard like a tiger's, a face like a man, the body covered with green, red and black scales and a tail so long it passed around the body, over the head and between the legs."
The creature was given its name by the Illini Indians, "The Piasa", meaning a bird that devours men.

There are many legends regarding its origin.
One of the more popular accounts goes like this ... 

Many moons ago, there existed a birdlike creature of such great size, he could easily carry off a full grown deer in his talons. His taste, however, was for human flesh. Hundreds of warriors attempted to destroy the Piasa, but failed. Whole villages were destroyed and fear spread throughout the Illini tribe. Ouatoga, a chief whose fame extended even beyond the Great Lakes, separated himself from his tribe, fasted in solitude for the space of a whole moon, and prayed to the Great Spirit to protect his people from the Piasa.
 
On the last night of his fast, the Great Spirit appeared to Ouatoga in a dream and directed him to select 20 warriors, arm them each with a bow and poisoned arrow, and conceal them in a designated spot. Another warrior was to stand in an open view, as a victim for the Piasa. When the chief awoke in the morning, he told the tribe of his dream. The warriors were quickly selected and placed in ambush. Ouatoga offered himself as the victim. Placing himself in open view, he soon saw the Piasa perched on the bluff eyeing his prey. Ouatoga began to chant the death song of a warrior. The Piasa took to the air and swooped down upon the chief. The Piasa had just reached his victim when every bow was sprung and every arrow sent sailing into the body of the beast. The Piasa uttered a fearful scream that echoed down the river, and died. Ouatoga was safe, and the tribe saved.

When I was young, I always learned that the Piasa bird particularly liked to carry off the tribe's children.  The painting is no longer located in its original place.  It was moved to some cliffs farther upriver.  If you want to read more about it, here's a Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piasa.  I really wanted to to share this legend since it's a cool piece of history from my area, and I'm oddly proud of it.  I hope you find it as interesting as I do.

Complaints

I'm tired of school. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired from lack of sleep.  Mostly though, I'm tired of reproduction.  I detest our Theriogenology class.  I had two repro classes in undergrad and that was far too much.  Now I have a whole other class about it this semester.  Plus, we've had to see way too many pictures of diseased penises and vaginas (every species imaginable) in every single other class as well.  I can't escape it!  We're learning about how to package horse semen at the moment.  Let me tell you what, it's not pleasant.  In fact, I find it downright gross.  Stupid boy parts.  :(

I'm trying to come up with an actual good post but no such luck.  I had a dream last night involving a water park/pool type place.  I was really angry that it was built, and I planned to blog about how much I hated it.  Then I woke up and realized I was planning on blogging about something that doesn't exist.  I also dreamed a lot about the Medicine test I had this morning as well as the Bovine Clinical Skills lab I have this afternoon.  We were supposed to do the lab last Monday but it was canceled due to our snow day.  So tell me this.  If this is a make-up lab, they could schedule it for whatever day they want.  Who the heck decided a Friday afternoon would be a good time?!

I'm seriously sick of the word "semen".  It makes me feel dirty.

La La Laaa

2 main topics:

1) The Oregon Trail game on Facebook is my new obsession.  The first time I played I didn't really know what I was doing.  I left too late, and winter came, and I died.  'Twas not good.  The second time I made it to Oregon successfully!  Now, I'm going again.  You get to start over from the beginning where you left off, so I'm at a higher level and had more money to start with.  I bought new oxen, and I'm traveling much faster! 

2) I bought a tape recorder today to use as a dream journal.  Now when I wake up in the night, I don't have to fumble to write down dreams in sleepy handwriting that I won't even be able to read the next morning!  It was actually funny at Best Buy, because I asked the guy if they had tape recorders and he gave me a really strange look.  Apparently, these days they're called voice recorders because most of them don't actually use tapes anymore.  I felt really old and out of date. 

Anywho, that's all.  I have a headache.

See ya.

UPDATE:
I had 6 dreams last night.  I recorded 4 of them but was too lazy to record the other 2 I had this morning.  Most of them seemed to focus on my frustration with school and life either directly or in some underlying way.  I woke up after just about every one, so I was able to record them right away.  I noted the time of each one so I can go back and compare to how far apart they say REM cycles are supposed to happen.  It's gonna be good times.