Well let's see...all attempts at lucid dreaming have failed. All attempts at studying have failed. And I have yet to wake up to find that I acquired model-esque beauty during the night. I guess I'll have to settle for being normal. That's right, I said it. I'm average. This is very disappointing to me at times. As I explained to my mom once, it's not that I want to be the best at everything, I just want to be the best at one thing. And I'm not even talking the best in the world, just the best in my world. I'm not the funniest or the prettiest and certainly not the smartest. I'm not very athletic nor am I very driven. I'm sort of okay at drawing, and I used to be musical when I practiced. Even the number of people who read my blog is just so-so.
Recently, I've decided to blame my mediocrity on my brain, which is far easier than taking responsibility for my lack of work ethic (which is necessary to accomplish anything on the above list). Did you ever have to take one of those tests that tells you what side of your brain you operate with? I did. And I always came out pretty even, a couple points higher on left-brained. I think this is the reason I'm okay at a lot of things, but not really good at any one thing. If I were all right-brained, maybe my drawing and flute playing skills would be masterful. If I were all left-brained, maybe I would be excelling at vet school. Alas, I'm just in the middle. *Sigh*
Maybe I should have embraced my normalcy long ago. Then I wouldn't have tried to get into vet school, and I could be living a happy, relatively stress free life right now with a regular job. I ran across this quote yesterday: "Look at me. My life has no meaning or direction, and I'm happy." It's from Hope Floats. I kind of wish I had this attitude. Is there something so wrong with this? What happened to just living life and enjoying it? No one seems to feel it's good enough to just work in order to get the money you need to live. It seems like everyone expects you to always be aiming for that next big promotion, a better paying job, or that next degree. Used to, you just needed to have a high school education. Then if you wanted a good job, you better have graduated college. Now, you should probably be getting a masters. It's a little overwhelming to me. But guess what. I would rather work to live than live to work.
What do I want out of life then, you ask? It's pretty simple actually. I want a job that I like but which doesn't take up my life. I want a loving marriage and probably kids. I want a decent house on a little bit of land, if I can get it. Overall, I want to be happy when I grow up. That's all.
Well enough of that rambling pity party. I know that, in reality, I have a pretty great life with plenty of family and friends who love me. I don't know what I would do if that were ever taken away from me. We grew up with enough money and were never deprived of anything we needed. And as much as I loathe it at the moment, at least I've had the opportunity to go to vet school. I know that most people in the world have real problems they are suffering from. In comparison, my self esteem issues are ridiculous and I realize that.
All in all, I'm very thankful for everything I have, but it wouldn't hurt if I could claim I was the best underwater basket weaver you'd ever met.
Please continue to tune in. I plan on posting some more of my attempts at lucid dreaming.